Non-Jews are for practice
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
