someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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