That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
