Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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