They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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