I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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