I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
