You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
