I don't think brook has ever known best
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
