Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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