when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He passed out mid-signature
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
