your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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