The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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