I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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