hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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