I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
