I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
