I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you had me at cake vodka
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
