I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were trust falling into bushes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
