Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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