Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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