this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
