I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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