You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?