i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
