I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.