Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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