just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
