tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize