never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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