I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
