Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
