In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
