did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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