is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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