Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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