Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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