At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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