I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
