Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't deserve a penis
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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