Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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