oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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