i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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