there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
