What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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