I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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