why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think my moral compass just broke
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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