Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
