i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
