Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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