You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love having hate sex.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
