I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
