is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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