2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
