im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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