I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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