Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
