Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
