There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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