This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
