Betty ford says i'm here all night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
