We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
God I need to hump something, right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
