My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
