I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
