that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
