Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize