Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
