Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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