he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
